Category Archives: Poems

I wonder, how much more can I  even take

How much more can I handle before i finally break

When life moves, I seem forever still

When I move, I sink deeper than if I was still

I pick myself up, but really I just drag me down

Ive never been up, got quite used to the ground

broken, bleeding, disappearing at my core

I keep on wondering, just how much more

A day, a month, a couple more jabs

Cant get used to pain, but im ready lads 

Ill take what I can get just so i have something to feel

Ill take what I can get to remind myself, I too am real

As the pain comes and the darkness grows

Its no wonder how my lights are so low

Unable to see anything clear

I wander around with more and more fear

Until doubt is the only thing that clouds my mind

Til there isnt a sliver of light inside 

Again I wonder, just how much more

How much more do I possibly have to suffer for

I think many would be surprised if I just died

Decided on my own, its kinda hard to wanna be alive

Ive been putting in the work, the sweat, the tears

Though none of it ever feels worth it you hear

It takes a toll

Spiraling further out of control

Losing yourself in the mess

Failing all of life’s tests

It hurts, this pain, it wont go away

It hurts, this pain, i simply cannot stay

It hurts even more when I feel like a stain

It hurts even more when I lose what ive gained

It hurts so much, id rather just lay here on the floor

It hurts so much, ill take any exit, any door

It hurts too much, why is it hard to take anymore

It hurts too much, its breaking me down to the core

You will never love as I do

For when I love, its with all that I do

I give my mind, body, soul, and spirit

I do whatever I can to ensure you always hear it

Traverse all and any seas 

just to set your mind at ease

Blast up to outer space

So we can be in the same place

Dig down to any depths 

To be with you until death

I love you, that I do

I love you through through

I love you, as I do

I love you more than you love me too

My entire existence feels so denied 

It makes me wonder why I even try

It cuts so deep, every little thought 

No-one truly understands just what I got

No silence in this mind of mine

No kindness either, though i seem fine

like a picture of the sun on the horizon

unable to tell if its setting or rising 

You have no clue just how beautiful you are

You seem not to realize that you shine just like a star

I only wish to show you just part of what I see

I only can show you parts until you also see

Your beauty is wondrous and  ohso unique

Body terrific with an emphasis on Tea

Kind, Cute, Pretty, Strong and still sweet

Your more than eye candy, though still the best treat

A presence so precious its a present to me

I love you, I may not say this enough

Im here for you, especially when times do get tough

I miss you, the moment you disappear

I am glad, im happy to know your here

The clouds fill the sky, inviting gloom

I only wish to invite you to the room

A little drizzle, to downpour, into a storm 

It makes me wish I could hold you even more

The wind blows, whistling with rage

I want you in my arms watching how it all plays

Flashes of white as light hits the ground

I find so much joy to just have you around

Though when it ends, and we see rainbows

I hope to find you at the end, not a pot of gold

Silently, i burn in this cage

Filling with anger fueling the rage

I couldn’t possibly endure

any of this, no, not any more

I have so much to say

yet no words come out today

I look on with so much sorrow

How can i seem happy when i feel so hollow

it eats at me, chips parts of me away

Makes life look more and more grey

Chiseling my form, sticking it to the ground

Why can’t I even make a simple sound?

It serves no purpose, why have this throat

The slightest noise, instead I choke

its cuts me off, it makes me bleed

Does so in a way you just cant see

I beg for help, hands on my neck

How cant you see, Im such a wreck

Its finally starting to tear it apart
Cutting little itty bitty pieces of your heart
Unaware of what parts are even left
Wishing to be a fraction of your best
You’ve been pushing for far too long
Pretending to be one of the strong
You knew it too, knew it all along
One day it would come out that it was all wrong

Lucky for you, you hide it well
Fuel you fool, Hiding it is just as unwell

Its hold you high against the wall
Chained, gagged, escape means to fall
It feels as though there is no other way
Either that or endure more to just stay
Bleeding more and more color away
Living in the exact same shade of grey
Living every day just like today
Living not alive, just the mundane

Lucky for you, they still dont see
Fuel you fool, they just let it be

Eventually it pierces your mind
Unable to distinguish the fine line
No longer able to tell “do I want to live or die”
It feels like it doesn’t matter no matter how hard you try
The thought, it germinates, grows so big, you relate
A simple thought sometimes an existential debate
“Why should I live, Why should I try
Isn’t it much easier if I just die”

Lucky for you, its just one thought
Fuel you fool, It only takes one thought

Suddenly your body feels heavy, its taken its toll
Way too much damage, you feel it in your soul
A simple way out, one with you in control
Not quite up for the task, unsure of the role
You’ve been shooting so long, going for gold
Would it be so bad if you finally decide to fold?

Without you, Im far beneath the ground

you’d never know with how I become when you’re around

It feels as though there’s these chains that hold me down

Not able to tell you about the me beneath the ground

Its hard to breathe, im tired of this curse

My heart it bleeds, I cant do this it hurts

It bothers me, makes me feel so nervous

The anxiety, yet thankfully you heard this

I always knew it was the little things

The ones that matter the ones that sting

The little itty bitties thats just so hard to see

So small yet impossible to let be

Like an out of place inconsistency 

One in a million and yet its quick to be seen

A misplaced brick, a crack, a colored streak

its part of being different, its what makes us unique

Its what we are made of

Its all the little things