Category Archives: Poems

I lay in solitude so confused

unable to distinguish my mind

How is it possible that I dont think like other guys

Why am I so different, why?

A woman’s best friend kind of guy

Yet sometimes it feels a woman inside a guy

Confidence in masculinity

Or just a lot of femininity 

Neither here nor there, I cry

Unsure who I even am or what

It stings beyond compare

Being lost in my own mind

Kind yet vile, selfish and selfless

Contradictions all the way through

Half of me lost, other part missing

As I wander, looking to be complete

The eyes i see, filled with disgust 

What part of me is so wretched

The aura of being so heavily judged

Why is being me such a negative

How can i move forward

When walls just block my way

How can i climb up

When life pushes down and away

How can I see forward

When only darkness is ahead

How can I look up

When im down on the floor

It takes courage 

Thats all they tell you anymore

Bravery and confidence

Ive lost it so long ago

Be yourself, only you can be you

Why be me, all I know how to do is lose

You are worth it, you are great

Then why does it hurt so bad i wish to end my fate?

From the darkness it calls

Yet everyone knows of it

In every shadow it exists

Yet it is not always seen

When felt, it becomes undeniable

Yet there are those who deny it all

It it more than a whisper

yet it makes no sounds at all

It takes over the mind

then leaves once its been left blank

It’ll cause you to lose all sense of control

You won’t know though, you’re already numb

It may start as a creep, slowly from the shadows

But like a government gone wrong, it is strong against light

It does not fret for fear is what it consumes

And it forces fears to consume you

Until there is no more light of day

Now you see it calls to you too

Everything has gone so cold

Thought i was pretty bold

Now i just lay here on the floor

Inching closer to death’s door

Took a bottle of pills

Hoped it was enough to kill

Feeling bit by bit go away

Feeling that todays the day

the day where i fade away

to ending just one more day

It was all i could ever ask for

To finally just be no more

Living is so much more than i deserve 

By my own standards, Ive observed

the lack of light and passion

A sense of inferiority that freezes action

To have been born and started on solo

where numb is higher than my low

for to feel naught would be great

To be naught would be my best fate

Walking in the rain

Each droplet inviting pain

Reminding you of burdens

Ensuring you stay hurting

Body as heavy as your heart

quickly falling  apart

Till your knees give in

and you feel like your freezin

numb enough to seem fine

Aware enough to feel like your dyin

This you who can no longer stand

Whose sense of self you dont understand 

So nows the time to feel your emotions 

to Process them not just go through the motions

For it matters not if you are on your knees

Focus on yourself, be who you want to please

If you cannot walk then crawl

You were always in it for the long haul 

But know with me, you are not alone

spiritually, you feel me in your bones 

not today nor any other day

will i ever go and just be on my way

Like the sun whose return is certain

Ill brighten your day, open up your curtains

pick you back up on your feet

walk and talk if its that deep

Ill follow your pace, you wont be lonely

so give me a taste of what you been goin through 

Cant find my way, couldn’t follow my heart

Like these paths were made just to rip me apart

I may not know of which way I may go

I have the feeling that no matter what ill grow

Losing every battle yet we’ll call it a lesson

Giving up is the only way to lose I reckon

Crawling through with just our blood sweat and tears

The cost of losing is all we hold dear

We knew this, losing is our greatest fear

Its a fight for our lives, thats crystal clear

It matters not how many times we hit the ground

Ive hit it many more times when no-ones around

What matters is that you choose to stand

Even when you feel you cant handle the demand

Extracting a toll on your body and mind

Just try to look for the silver line

For in all of the grey there is still a shine

It may not be a what but a who you’ll find

Even the feeling of no longer being solo

Can take you out of feeling so low

Pardon me for being so direct

It may just be time to go out n connect

To turn your beautiful nightmares into sweet dreams

Im just here reminding you, you are your own King

There is no need to come out n flatter

Put yourself first, I promise you matter

For even when I cannot see

And all of me feels empty

You came to me, I resonate 

Like an all or nothing moment of fate

you dawned on me, became my light

Showed me what it means to fight

Though i may not know the way

I can see the light of another day

For just your presence has given me purpose

The greatest present though i dont feel I deserve this

You give it happily not knowing its worth

It gives me hope for a sense of rebirth

We all yearn to be embraced

yet wanting it too much makes ya disgrace

a nobody who needs to learn their place

A nobody who now hides to save face

In plain sight yet invisible

Smiles no longer visible

Once thought to be invincible

Spent too much time giving his all

Gave 100% thought itd work

100%, all of it hurts

I think it plain to see

Broken man’s reality

dull and gray

wishing his life away 

People seek a will to live

I yearn for a reason to die

I am waste of space

But there is space to waste

A nobody, talentless

Yet not the bottom of the barrel

Cursed and Afflicted 

Sadly not enough to end me

To die for no reason

Is it such a bad thing

Neither high nor low

Worst than Limbo

For i feel less highs than lows

So now i just struggle

I think one simple thing

Is want reason enough?

Do you ever wonder what you’ve lost
Think of everything you currently have. what did it cost
Did it take countless hours until you had mental breakdowns
Or did it cost your smile, so now you’re permanently down
Have you ever felt special, like God’s own gift
Or are you more like me, wishing you didn’t exist
Are you strong enough to be someone’s hero
Or are you so weak that you are never more than a zero

For those of you above, I hope you shall never relate
For those on my level, I hope you all elevate
Us zero’s can’t get more worthless
So use this time to find some purpose
I know that idea makes you nervous
But it’ll show you what your worth is

For now we feel like nothing
Just work until we feel something
For now we don’t exist
It doesn’t matter, we still persist
For now we hurt and relate
That’ll change along with our fates

Internal freezing burn of the cold

Eternal suffering of flames from Hell

How can one person know both sides of a coin

From experiences that make him feel big and small

Split his mind until it was beyond repair

Until he too felt like both sides a coin

Two sides who never agree

Internal Strife

Eternal Suffering

Just cuz I am incomplete 

Does not mean i cant compete

It may make me look stupid

Until what i do is what i did

So i just gotta get good kid

Use my time to practice

Til One day Im cracked at this

Working to become relevant 

I gotta get big, be smart, like an elephant 

Not exactly sure what to serve so i created a platter

Whats the topic, which words do you deserve, Does it even matter?

I only do whatever I like

Its up to you if you want a bite

Just know my bare minimum is at least alright

Act soon else there wont be none left

For this even fat people become quite deft

Probably feelin lucky if you actually listened

it was hardcore, everyone rushed this mission

The entire thing was like a war got waged

Precisely the type of spot id set my stage

Thinking how can i work in such chaos

The war is for me, Im the raid boss

I am the reason for it getting hectic

A million to one, I wont ever regret it

Not one to wallow in defeat

for defeat is a streak i do not wish to repeat