MJ's Mind

I always knew it was the little things

The ones that matter the ones that sting

The little itty bitties thats just so hard to see

So small yet impossible to let be

Like an out of place inconsistency 

One in a million and yet its quick to be seen

A misplaced brick, a crack, a colored streak

its part of being different, its what makes us unique

Its what we are made of

Its all the little things

Im filled with regret

Why did i fail that day

I think of another attempt

Why do i choose to stay

It went all black

But sadly it didnt stay that way

I didn’t want to come back

I wanted to give my all away

It pierced my will

Did so with such ease

Not quite enough to kill

Though that would leave me at peace

The dark, the light, the pain within

Its hard to imagine how Id ever win

I have no purpose,  nor any desires

have no worth, cant even picture going higher 

Im done with it, My spirits so beat

Past the point, not sure Ill ever feel complete

Like a hole, im feeling so empty

I wish to be whole, live quite soulfully 

I think, I say, I do

I think, I say, Ive become afraid to do

I think, I say, im unsure what to do

I think I say, what could i possibly do

I think, I can no longer say there is something I can do

I think, I wish to say there is so much id love to do

I think, I cant say much more than I could do

I thought i could say Ill do what i gotta do

I thought either way no matter what i say I would just do

I thought so long of what i couldnt say snd things i couldnt do

thats its all i learned to do

I think, I say, I do or at least I think I say I do

To me dear, you are lovely
My personal sun that shines
You bring me strength and joy
Manage to do it every single time

To me dear, you are beautiful
A work of art permanently on display
A walking masterpiece
Truly beautiful any day

To me dear, you are exotic
Your mind and soul so utterly unique
Like the pope but more peculiar, more special
For no title is needed in the presence of this queen

To me dear, you are life
You bring each day a reason to breathe
Shining so brightly, adamantly
To be anything like you, I would like to live too

I lost part of me when i tried to die

Guess that was a sorta successful suicide

It left me hollow, with no place to go

Bashed for even trying; in my own home

As if failing wasn’t already bad enough 

Adding insults to injuries, thats a little rough

At a young age, just starting junior high

I lost part of me when i tried to die

That was the day my confidence left my side

No purpose, not deserving of any air

No more words, Im not worth to hear

Ive learned this; I do not matter

My heart, my feelings, my mind and soul shattered

I lost part of me when i tried to die

I just wanted my sorrows to subside 

I couldn’t move forward, I let myself down

Screaming for help, wishing to be found

Yet i havent a single clue

What can I do to get better too?

I wander in search of what I had lost

I wonder in thought of what it ever was

Cant seem to recall a time it existed

A safe space, felt just like a myth did

Hear about it all the time

A wondrous place, so mighty fine

I search so hard yet cannot find

A place for me, nor peace of mind

The thoughts are violent, they boom and bang

They tear me down, say im to blame

Not quite good, not ever skilled

Just a byproduct of a weak will

The war it wage, it rages on

Inside my heart, too far beyond 

So out of reach, it yells for help

It wants to be more than an empty shell

Joy to me is unparalleled 

When I feel, it shows, i can always tell

More exciting and boisterous 

than you thought you’d ever be

This wonderful feeling

with its spontaneity 

It yields to none

it spreads the fun

It is pure magic when its begun

It brings great cheers

Erases all fears

Can even bring you into tears

But never down, just only up

It cant be bottled, it only erupts

A smile a laugh or even a giggle

It always comes out it and causes a ripple

“Everything that comes up has to come down”

Didn’t ever mean that no matter what you gotta go down

It simply meant that the bottom had a limit, called the ground

A solid foundation, its utterly basic yet still profound

An idea taken in many ways

For no-one truly knows what we say

As we can say what we literally mean

Yet say something nice that gets taken as mean

Unaware of just what you did

Unknowingly having done something horrid

Oh God Forbid

It wasn’t what I meant when I said “the sky’s the limit”

It wasn’t your thoughts nor actions as I was trying to inhibit

I only meant to say you are bright and seemingly limitless

So how did I misspeak, what did i possibly miss?

How could my meaning but not words get lost in transit?

Did not matter what mode of transportation got used

Somehow my goodwill came out to hurt and abuse

A misunderstanding I had to explain and refute

“A stitch in time saves nine”

I’m not that rude, I’m quite benign

Though fight or flight, I fight I find

So dont be aggressive, don’t go on and attack

Dont force me to have to fight back

Lets talk this through, its what we do

We have the patience, this one virtue

 

“Birds of a feather flock together”

Is precisely why I know its “better late than never”

Pushing it off could make it hurt forever

Hurting with no intent is something I could never

I could not possibly just let it slide

I have these code-like laws, I instinctively try to abide

I must admit it nerve-wracking, so much so I try to hide

The nerves but not laws strengths, I hope change like tides

“Every gray cloud has a silver lining”

Meant there is a bit of good even in bad im just now finding

It is just a modern version of “even in dark times let there be light”

When thought along with “the little things count” you will see a new sight

To always have hope that the dark will go away

A message that there would be better days

Not a simple saying that means we have lots to learn and gain

But a message to say at some point it will be worth all the pain

“Cost an arm and a leg” but we can agree it was all worth it in the end

When our visions of prosperity turn into reality instead of just pretend

“Success is a journey not a destination” is just as easily forgotten

The path of “trials and tribulations” is still a good path to have gotten

For all those challenges has improved your body, mind and even heart

It’s made you bright enough to understand and beat the dark

Strong enough for me to help take it out of you

Not matter how battered, I know you can do it too

Gotta push straight forward, no more “beating around the bush”

I’ll walk along side you or even behind you if you truly need the push

“Two heads are better than one”

I understand that better than anyone

So let me be your non literal stepping stone

Who raises you up proud, and knows you can show-em

I stand broken feeling nothing but alone

100,000 calls but no-one ever picks up the phone

Yelling, screaming, shouting into the distance

Each unanswered word reminds me that I am distant

Not trapped in a cage, simply been removed faraway 

Unable to glimpse your page, I try to connect anyway

False confidence in my desperate pleas

In hopes of others, I alone set out to sea

Knowing full well that its do or die

Nothing can be worst than how I feel inside

Trapped in a place i would never call home

Figuring out myself and what I can overcome

Finding my way both inside and out

Fighting my way for a better route

The Burns and cuts run deep in my soul

Its no wonder I dont ever feel whole

Self worth so low, I feel i have to find my own place

For only when im alone could i be worth the space

An existence who feels living is wrong

A mistake that can barely stand strong

-MioJip W.A.G.

The sun it shines, unable to be stopped

Yet it takes one cloud, just one to be blocked

Though it still shines way over yonder

It can’t shine down on me

It surges far and infinitely grows

Yet it is destined to be alone

Giving life to literally everything

But not one thing gives in return

Sacrificing what would have been eternal life

To give everyone just a bit of light

It tears away at it own

Just wait til its a black hole