Sexist?

It was only a few days ago where I came to the realization that I am sexist. Not in the way you probably expect. I, a male, am uncomfortable around men. Not to say I am like this to all men. There are just many times where a male’s presence does indeed make me uncomfortable. Inversely I am uncomfortable around women but they provide a sense of safety for me. I don’t see a therapist or anything but bear with my line of thinking real quick. What if I feel uncomfortable around women because I am a man? I am the very thing that makes me feel uncomfortable so why would women who already feel that way for men not feel the same way around me? Don’t get me wrong, I hear it all the time. “You aren’t like other men. You are different.” Then why do I feel like I’m one of them so often. Coincidentally I wrote about worshipping friends a day before two of my friends told me of their interesting interactions with men that day. One friend receives messages from someone she hadn’t spoken to in years. A coworker who was now a forgotten memory reached out and confessed his love for her. Personally I find it weird to be able to maintain a desire, a connection, for someone without talking or seeing the person at all. Though, at the same time I understood the idea of yearning for someone for a long period of time. I mean isn’t that how relationships are perceived in movies? As if the passage of time doesn’t affect love. The reality is that people do change. Meanwhile another friend who is currently having relationship issues but is trying to fix them hung out with a male friend. He made an inappropriate comment of wanting to be used by her. Absolutely wrong. She is trying to fix the relationship, so definitely not something that she’d want to hear. I do get the idea of wanting to be used by someone you “love’ but there is a time n place for it. So now you are probably wondering what those two men have in common with me. Easy. We all worship something and it may not necessarily be the right thing to do but we all do it. The first worshipped a woman for years. Well the idea of this woman. Not the actual woman. (Can’t blame him. I be crushing on her hard.) The second worships a taken woman with the desire to take her for himself. The third is the unmentioned man in the relationship failing to worship the person he chose to worship. And me who worships many people where maybe none of which should be worshipped at all.

Written in the Stars


I look to the skies
Its filled with horrors and sorrow
The darkness overwhelms
Infinitely growing, infinitely devouring
As sources of light disappear in time
Some unleashing a final show of light
Others joining, going from light to dark
They never even get close to even
Dark has no rules thus no limits
Light must fade, as the stars have written
Proof the universe also wishes for our downfall
A proven method of attack that works on any
Give them a shred of hope that seems strong
Then give them despair to show them they are wrong
It crushes spirits and if not then they do it again
For light is destined to end one of two ways
as a noble sacrifice for the cause
Or an enemy who destroys any and all

To not be


I do not simply wish to die
Its not a matter of disappearing
I wish I never existed
That way there’d be no regrets
Not a person to be mourned
Nor to have made any mistakes
Just a matter of never have been
The best way to just be gone
Painlessly and unnoticed
Just to keep their hearts safe

Humans not Mankind


Why have the days grown so grey
Even their length has seemed to fade
More and more people close off their heart
Thinking they should have done so from the start
But I happen to disagree
It shouldn’t be closed off to these degrees
Caring gives off a sense of being intrusive
When in reality, you are just being inclusive
The act of doing something kind
Is something people do mind
Which kinda sucks when someone’s life is on the line
You’d think their life is more important so its fine
I stand for those who continue to act
We are the ones with our minds intact
If you see someone who is down
Be kind, it can turn their day around
For if we are all lights and lifts
No-one would fall into dark rifts

My Place of Worship


When darkness encroaches your heart
What is it that sets you apart
I find peace in what I worship
But if it wasn’t for this, man, Id be eating shit
So can you not see what it means to me
Just be happy, your smile, it what sets me free
I may not be my own priority
But I am no fool, I’m not disorderly
I just have a unique viewpoint you see
Im just against this type of mentality
The one where you must be a the top
This is the idea that spreads but I wish it would stop
you always have to come first
I think that idea is the worst
Don’t be confused, I do understand the lesson
It really helps to avoid being reliant and falling into a depression
Every single one of us is unique, there is no only way
Your heart wants something different, normality shouldn’t make you stray
You don’t have to be your own source of peace
As long as it can’t be lost and puts you at ease
I chose my bonds, I made them myself
People are what I love, I hate being by myself
Its like a blacksmith, we both had things to forge
We worked it the best we could, 1 chance, it cant be reforged
So I do my best, give it all I got
I worry, everything is getting second thoughts
Though I trust in what I believe
My bonds wouldn’t just let me be
I do everything I can to make them strong
How on earth is that possibly wrong
For when they rise, they open up the sky
They gave me a path so I too could fly
So when you feel your life is really down
at wits end wishing to drown
It only takes one thing to turn it around