Category Archives: Poems

Contemplations

People seek a will to live

I yearn for a reason to die

I am waste of space

But there is space to waste

A nobody, talentless

Yet not the bottom of the barrel

Cursed and Afflicted 

Sadly not enough to end me

To die for no reason

Is it such a bad thing

Neither high nor low

Worst than Limbo

For i feel less highs than lows

So now i just struggle

I think one simple thing

Is want reason enough?


Do you ever wonder what you’ve lost
Think of everything you currently have. what did it cost
Did it take countless hours until you had mental breakdowns
Or did it cost your smile, so now you’re permanently down
Have you ever felt special, like God’s own gift
Or are you more like me, wishing you didn’t exist
Are you strong enough to be someone’s hero
Or are you so weak that you are never more than a zero

For those of you above, I hope you shall never relate
For those on my level, I hope you all elevate
Us zero’s can’t get more worthless
So use this time to find some purpose
I know that idea makes you nervous
But it’ll show you what your worth is

For now we feel like nothing
Just work until we feel something
For now we don’t exist
It doesn’t matter, we still persist
For now we hurt and relate
That’ll change along with our fates

Bi-Polar

Internal freezing burn of the cold

Eternal suffering of flames from Hell

How can one person know both sides of a coin

From experiences that make him feel big and small

Split his mind until it was beyond repair

Until he too felt like both sides a coin

Two sides who never agree

Internal Strife

Eternal Suffering

Just cuz I am incomplete 

Does not mean i cant compete

It may make me look stupid

Until what i do is what i did

So i just gotta get good kid

Use my time to practice

Til One day Im cracked at this

Working to become relevant 

I gotta get big, be smart, like an elephant 

Not exactly sure what to serve so i created a platter

Whats the topic, which words do you deserve, Does it even matter?

I only do whatever I like

Its up to you if you want a bite

Just know my bare minimum is at least alright

Act soon else there wont be none left

For this even fat people become quite deft

Probably feelin lucky if you actually listened

it was hardcore, everyone rushed this mission

The entire thing was like a war got waged

Precisely the type of spot id set my stage

Thinking how can i work in such chaos

The war is for me, Im the raid boss

I am the reason for it getting hectic

A million to one, I wont ever regret it

Not one to wallow in defeat

for defeat is a streak i do not wish to repeat 

Selfish Desire

You know, part of me has a sincere obsession
One that may lead to a heartfelt confession
For I wish to be your greatest possession
Love so great it gives me a sense of direction

By you, I wouldn’t mind being abused
For you, I wouldn’t mind being used
I know you wouldn’t push past my limits
Its just the way that we hit it

Not that we have to share details
About the ways you like to be railed
It’ll be our dirty little secrets
Ones I’m sure we wont forget

I’d rather peer into your mind
Look closer inside every time
As it deepens our connection
Giving us a bit of tension

I want us to unravel
Be each other’s chapel
I only wish for it to become our chapter
As we work towards a happily ever after

You are my greatest obsession
Though I regret, no such thing as a confession
I’m not yet strong enough for such a pure connection
I can not do this yet for my own protection

I wish that for me, you would wait
I hope that you think of me as great
You are everything I could ever want
You are the greatest thing I’d be able to flaunt

I am not calling you out to be an object
I just don’t want you to object
Sadly it’s probably only my dream
For us to be a special kind of team

We are my greatest obsession
A better me who is worth this kind of connection
One that can offer us some sort of protection
I may not be yours, but you are my direction

Flame of Life

Warmth is our addiction
We need it to survive
Whatever gives us that feeling
Whatever we have made our flame

We go back to it all the time
Regardless of good or bad
We allow it to grow
Though the growth can be dangerous

Even too much good can be bad
But too much bad is worse
For unlike good it takes root
Poisons for eons to come

Even now we need it
Without it, who would feel alive
Without that warmth, the flame
we’d all just be cold, alone in the dark

Puzzle

I am a race with no lines
Pieces that do not make a whole
A flame that provides no warmth
A light that beckons darkness

I try to be complete
To be not this but much more
A fragment of who I am
So small it doesn’t even feel like me

i am a house that doesn’t feel like home
A phone with no screen
Heat when there is no longer cold
Life, at least how it feels near the end

Will I ever be finished
Is it even worth trying
Every piece brings more
It hurts to not be complete

Our own doctor

Worries always linger
Pain never dulls
So how am I supposed to go forward
When it feels like Death at the door

The anxiety slowly transforms to panic
Life itself feels like its about to collapse
Anxiety only grows
Life seems to just turn grey

Self esteem fades
Mental takes a decline
How can I be sure the end is worth it
When each step is filled with despair

You got this, is what they say
I’m already doing my best
Limit is almost hit
Hope out of reach

I happen to think just one thing
This pain means I’m heading the right way
It may hurt now but that’s healing
Its not a bandaid, its self surgery

Perspective

How aware are you
Do you constantly think back?
Have you ever thought backwards?
Not sure how, then I’ll show you

You remember the nights up all alone
Knife, pills, whatever you could get in hand
Only thing pulling you back is a simple thought
How will everyone else feel in the end

You think of people mourning
Those wishing you had never gone
But lemme sincerely ask you why
Why do you think this as you sit alone

Isn’t this what you hope for and dread?
Why’d  they only show up after then
Aren’t you just hoping they care at least a little bit
Just a show that every thought can be flipped