MJ's Mind

Cant find my way, couldn’t follow my heart

Like these paths were made just to rip me apart

I may not know of which way I may go

I have the feeling that no matter what ill grow

Losing every battle yet we’ll call it a lesson

Giving up is the only way to lose I reckon

Crawling through with just our blood sweat and tears

The cost of losing is all we hold dear

We knew this, losing is our greatest fear

Its a fight for our lives, thats crystal clear

It matters not how many times we hit the ground

Ive hit it many more times when no-ones around

What matters is that you choose to stand

Even when you feel you cant handle the demand

Extracting a toll on your body and mind

Just try to look for the silver line

For in all of the grey there is still a shine

It may not be a what but a who you’ll find

Even the feeling of no longer being solo

Can take you out of feeling so low

Pardon me for being so direct

It may just be time to go out n connect

To turn your beautiful nightmares into sweet dreams

Im just here reminding you, you are your own King

There is no need to come out n flatter

Put yourself first, I promise you matter

For even when I cannot see

And all of me feels empty

You came to me, I resonate 

Like an all or nothing moment of fate

you dawned on me, became my light

Showed me what it means to fight

Though i may not know the way

I can see the light of another day

For just your presence has given me purpose

The greatest present though i dont feel I deserve this

You give it happily not knowing its worth

It gives me hope for a sense of rebirth

We all yearn to be embraced

yet wanting it too much makes ya disgrace

a nobody who needs to learn their place

A nobody who now hides to save face

In plain sight yet invisible

Smiles no longer visible

Once thought to be invincible

Spent too much time giving his all

Gave 100% thought itd work

100%, all of it hurts

I think it plain to see

Broken man’s reality

dull and gray

wishing his life away 

People seek a will to live

I yearn for a reason to die

I am waste of space

But there is space to waste

A nobody, talentless

Yet not the bottom of the barrel

Cursed and Afflicted 

Sadly not enough to end me

To die for no reason

Is it such a bad thing

Neither high nor low

Worst than Limbo

For i feel less highs than lows

So now i just struggle

I think one simple thing

Is want reason enough?

Do you ever wonder what you’ve lost
Think of everything you currently have. what did it cost
Did it take countless hours until you had mental breakdowns
Or did it cost your smile, so now you’re permanently down
Have you ever felt special, like God’s own gift
Or are you more like me, wishing you didn’t exist
Are you strong enough to be someone’s hero
Or are you so weak that you are never more than a zero

For those of you above, I hope you shall never relate
For those on my level, I hope you all elevate
Us zero’s can’t get more worthless
So use this time to find some purpose
I know that idea makes you nervous
But it’ll show you what your worth is

For now we feel like nothing
Just work until we feel something
For now we don’t exist
It doesn’t matter, we still persist
For now we hurt and relate
That’ll change along with our fates

Internal freezing burn of the cold

Eternal suffering of flames from Hell

How can one person know both sides of a coin

From experiences that make him feel big and small

Split his mind until it was beyond repair

Until he too felt like both sides a coin

Two sides who never agree

Internal Strife

Eternal Suffering

Just cuz I am incomplete 

Does not mean i cant compete

It may make me look stupid

Until what i do is what i did

So i just gotta get good kid

Use my time to practice

Til One day Im cracked at this

Working to become relevant 

I gotta get big, be smart, like an elephant 

Not exactly sure what to serve so i created a platter

Whats the topic, which words do you deserve, Does it even matter?

I only do whatever I like

Its up to you if you want a bite

Just know my bare minimum is at least alright

Act soon else there wont be none left

For this even fat people become quite deft

Probably feelin lucky if you actually listened

it was hardcore, everyone rushed this mission

The entire thing was like a war got waged

Precisely the type of spot id set my stage

Thinking how can i work in such chaos

The war is for me, Im the raid boss

I am the reason for it getting hectic

A million to one, I wont ever regret it

Not one to wallow in defeat

for defeat is a streak i do not wish to repeat 

You know, part of me has a sincere obsession
One that may lead to a heartfelt confession
For I wish to be your greatest possession
Love so great it gives me a sense of direction

By you, I wouldn’t mind being abused
For you, I wouldn’t mind being used
I know you wouldn’t push past my limits
Its just the way that we hit it

Not that we have to share details
About the ways you like to be railed
It’ll be our dirty little secrets
Ones I’m sure we wont forget

I’d rather peer into your mind
Look closer inside every time
As it deepens our connection
Giving us a bit of tension

I want us to unravel
Be each other’s chapel
I only wish for it to become our chapter
As we work towards a happily ever after

You are my greatest obsession
Though I regret, no such thing as a confession
I’m not yet strong enough for such a pure connection
I can not do this yet for my own protection

I wish that for me, you would wait
I hope that you think of me as great
You are everything I could ever want
You are the greatest thing I’d be able to flaunt

I am not calling you out to be an object
I just don’t want you to object
Sadly it’s probably only my dream
For us to be a special kind of team

We are my greatest obsession
A better me who is worth this kind of connection
One that can offer us some sort of protection
I may not be yours, but you are my direction

Warmth is our addiction
We need it to survive
Whatever gives us that feeling
Whatever we have made our flame

We go back to it all the time
Regardless of good or bad
We allow it to grow
Though the growth can be dangerous

Even too much good can be bad
But too much bad is worse
For unlike good it takes root
Poisons for eons to come

Even now we need it
Without it, who would feel alive
Without that warmth, the flame
we’d all just be cold, alone in the dark

I am a race with no lines
Pieces that do not make a whole
A flame that provides no warmth
A light that beckons darkness

I try to be complete
To be not this but much more
A fragment of who I am
So small it doesn’t even feel like me

i am a house that doesn’t feel like home
A phone with no screen
Heat when there is no longer cold
Life, at least how it feels near the end

Will I ever be finished
Is it even worth trying
Every piece brings more
It hurts to not be complete